How much is enough?

My dear 2 1/2 year old daughter came home from her night at her daddys house today. After our lunch with daddy and a quick stop at the store for new watercolors, we came home and painted a HUGE picture together, then we did 3 puzzles and then played a few levels of Mario on the Wii. So I started thinking about it, and it got me thinking about honestly how much time I do spend playing with her, like honestly playing doing what she wants, and I realize I spend a good 5, 6 or more hours a day just playing with her. Which is crazy as I always feel guilty for not doing enough with her. Which is of course why I never get anything else done. Where is that balance? Why do I struggle with this so much..is it my perfectionism? Wanting to be the perfect mother and woman? Probably. How do I fight the perfection monster?

What if.....

Today my mind is full of what if? Lately I have been thinking a lot about a certain someone and then last night had a wild dream about him and has really made me stop and think. I have always regretted not telling him I loved him. He was my very best friends little brother. So I've know him as long as I can remember. And was in love with him for as long as I can remember. He was so cute, and sweet, and funny and just perfect. One day I commented to my friend that I had a crush on her brother and she freaked out (we were really young and it was her brother so she thought it was gross) so because of that I never told him. I just relished all the time I was able to spend with him. I went on vacations with them and just loved him more and more. Of all of the mistakes I have made in my life, that was the biggest and the one I regret the most. I wonder what our lives would have been, what kind of person I would be now if things had gone anywhere....

Pieces of life are falling into place

One of my girlfriends contacted me the other day and said hey I have got some work for you if you are interested...after a quick run through of the details, I was jumping up and down (literally) with joy. I get paid a decent wage, extremely flexible hours AND I GET TO WORK FROM HOME!!!! And I can start training tomorrow! Seriously this is a dream come true! No it's not a glamorous job nor will I get rich but it will be more than enough to pay my bills, have some to save, and some splurge on the kiddos. And I can do it while I am home, and I can easily work it around whatever the kids are doing. And work it around school! I am still in shock of all of this, I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am to her and how much this has saved me...